South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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