I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
