you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
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