Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
