Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
