Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
