there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
