Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
