Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
