I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
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