You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize