i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize