My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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