the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
home. puking in laundry basket.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
