so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
