At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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