I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
