Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
