So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
