Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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