I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize