WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
