I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
