nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
