When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
