What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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