dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
