This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
