So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
It's like God shit irony all over that family
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
