what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
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