Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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