Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
