he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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