fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
