stop calling my apartment porn island.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
