i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I lost the right to judge tonight
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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