So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Still dying that you shit outside
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
