Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
40s are totally the cure
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
