I wish I could punch you in the face.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
