1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I will die if light touches me.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
