I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
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