it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
