So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
