well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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