he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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