dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I need a beard to bite.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize