I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
