just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
