Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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