im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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