Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I need to sanitize my soul.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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