i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
