Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
