Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
