Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
