I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
We are all done wearing pants today
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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