I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
