"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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