Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
