My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
