OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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