oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
