You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
