my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Randomize
