Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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