we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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