i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
